They've stopped following silly dating rules

The first time around, you kind of get hung up on “the process.” When to text. What to text. Where to meet people offline. What to say if you want to ask someone out. How often to communicate and see each other. Is the pace too slow? Are you coming on too strong? There are so many potential rules. Divorced people? They typically understand that rules generally focus on how to get a relationship instead of how to actually connect with a compatible partner.

A divorced woman in her 30s told me she’d done “everything right” in dating and marrying her first husband, who pursued her like crazy into a problem-plagued marriage. The second time, she completely tossed the rule book and did everything wrong; she waited for a guy who was slow to commit, because she saw qualities in him that might lead to a strong partnership. A divorced guy in his late 30s also told me about how he asked his second wife out two days after he filed for divorce.